Do you get wobbly on the inside when leading with peers?
There’s a reason it’s nerve-racking giving a presentation to our peers or our colleagues – because it’s often the trickiest of relationships when it comes to leadership.
I got permission from my podcast co-host, Tashion Macon, to share a real-life example I had with her the other day. Just because I’m in the world of leadership transformation doesn’t mean I’m not human!
I’ve always seen Tashion as my equal.
We're in the same season in our career and the qualities that I love in her, I can own in myself (integrity, confidence, courageousness to name a few). Tashion was riffing about mental health to me the other day, an issue we both feel strongly about, and before I knew it, I found myself shrinking on the inside.
I could feel my stomach feeling wobbly and I could hear a little voice squawking to the tune off, “she’s so much more brilliant and articulate….” (It was harsher than that, but you get the idea....)
What I noticed is how I let these thoughts impact my leadership.
I could feel myself distancing from the conversation and ultimately Tashion, which didn’t feel good on the inside. My energy dropped, which gave me a whole other thing to judge because it felt like I wasn’t carrying my weight.
Can you relate?
Maybe you’ve had this experience with colleagues who are on your level or your partner in life. I’ve definitely had this experience with John, my husband, over the 20+ years we've been together.
I noticed just this month, I’ve had a handful of clients share a similar experience and concern for how to show up as their most potent self with collages on the same level.
A couple of suggestions to help you stand in your leadership with colleagues of the same level...
1.
We often subconsciously put our equals on a pedestal, which can result in us feeling ‘less’ than. I once worked with a coach who would tell all of his clients in the meetings, “Whatever you do, pls do not put me on a pedestal. It creates a hierarchy in our relationship when there doesn’t need to be one.”
2.
This creates self-accountability.
First of all, we’re human. It would be weird if I said this would never happen again, but I certainly think we can limit it.
If you find yourself in the experience I had this week, then own it by leading from vulnerability. I told Tashion that I wasn’t looking for a compliment but I wanted to share why I showed up the way I did because I could feel the impact it had on our conversation. It felt so liberating to tell the truth and own my humanness.
Learning to lead in any situation is like surfing (I’m learning) it takes practice over and over and over, especially when it comes to leading with peers.